Friday, October 30, 2009

Dear Lou Pritchett,

Shush.

Lou Pritchett was at Procter and Gamble (good folks) for awhile, he recently wrote a letter about how scary and mysterious Barack Obama is. It's a pretty crappy letter, about the same quality as those chain e-mails that people send saying we have to press 1 to hear the phone message in English. Anyway, here it is in all it's "glory":

(Link to Snopes)

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

Dear President Obama:
You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

- Well, there is something a little different about him. I just can't put my finger on what it is though!

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

-Because it's not like Barack Obama has been in the public eye for almost thirteen years or anything.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

-Student loans are an urban legend and all lawyers are dirt poor.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

-Someone should probably tell Hawai'i it isn't part of America.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

-Forget everything you learned in Civics, only CEOs can be President.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

-And Army officers.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

-Because Bush never blamed Clinton and Reagan never blamed Carter.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

-"Even though no one has any proof you're an extremist, I'm going to call you one anyway. BRB, polluting America's natural resources with dioxin."

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

-Dang, I must've missed that Obama flag-burning rally.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

-Because in Europe you aren't allowed to have a business.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

-"Obama you asshole, I've got stock in Aetna."

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

-Yea, like that guy Boone Pickens. Pickens knows nothing about the energy industry, NOTHING! Oh, wait.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

-We're actually 15th in that, Lou. 12 of the 14 countries ahead of us are in that Europe place you're so down on.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

-"You're allowed to give them money, but not allowed to ask for stuff in return."

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

-Yea, Obama, what were you thinking starting two wars we had no ability to pay for ? Oh, wait, that wasn't you? Nevermind.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

-Like you?

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

-Gangsta.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

-I'll get to this in a second.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

-These people aren't the media? I didn't see anywhere where he said they couldn't talk.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

-BRB, Obama is making me pour him a drink. *rolls eyes*

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

-2009+8=2017. Obama's would be term limited in 2016. I'm not sure Lou understands math.

*facepalm*